Had dinner with my paternal side today to celebrate my cousin's 21st... It was a happy dinner, but somehow, it feels otherwise deep inside.

My three cousins brought their girlfriends along. It was a pretty big group of people who turned up. Then came the family shot. Everyone was so happy for my cousin, so glad that he has grown up.

I sat there looking at all of their happy faces. I smiled. But deep inside, it hurt so badly...

I've never felt so alone. Looking at how happy my uncle was, my heart ached so badly... Daddy will never ever be able to celebrate my birthday for me again, he won't be here to feel proud of me when I turn 21. Not anymore...

It suddenly felt as though everyone else has everything, but I don't. Their life is so complete, but not mine...

I really wished you were by my side to help me through all this pain... I miss you:/

Sometimes I tend to have this sudden urge to tell you to stay out of my life, that I want to have nothing to do with you ever again.

But soon after, I picture myself crying so badly, realizing how badly I'm regretting it:/

I want to tell you how much I really hate you for being so selfish, thinking that I'll be happier by asking me to get together with someone else whom you claim to be better. Fact is, you don't even know who they are. I thought you knew me best, but I guess I'm wrong.

I've been trying so hard to think the worst of you, to get you out of my mind. Why should I continue waiting for someone who doesn't even know what he wants, someone who has other priorities to even bother about you, someone who doesn't make the effort to do anything? But then again, how much does it take to love and be willing to wait for someone who's like that? A lot. That's how much you mean to me.

I've been wanting to apologize for what I said that night. I don't mean it, I really dont. (Sigh, doubt you know what I'm talking about though...) Everything that happened that night was my fault. I wish to clear it up with you so badly, but yet I don't know how. You seem fine now already, so I guess I shouldn't talk about it anymore. Just hope you'll be reading this...

CNY 2011 was better than expected.

I love my family(:

I want to grow old with my future husband, I really do.

We managed to find a few photos taken during our younger days!!

I swear I look like a boy:/

This year isnt the same without daddy,

It wouldnt be anymore...

I miss you so badly:/

It's been so long since I last dreamt of you...

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Celebrated the Jan babies birthday last week!!(:

Hope you all enjoyed the celebration.

Guitar Hero was awesome too(:(:(:

I had so so much fun.

Friends who wouldnt mind your retardedness are hard to find.

I'm glad to be part of Delta, I really am (Y)

Thanks for coming(:

I've tried so hard to get you out of my head.

But the harder I try, the more I think of you...

Was it because I didnt love you enough, or was there too much love?

I dont know what to feel about you anymore.

I'm starting to not know what I want either.

Perhaps you're wrong, I'm not that perfect afterall.

I guess happy endings only exist in fairytales...

You've no idea how much those words hurt...

And you dont know how much you actually mean to me...

You've managed to end my gloomy week with a really big smile(:

It's been so long since I've felt this happy, and I mean it.

I knew I was never wrong about you. ♥