somehow i've decided to start blogging again.
"blogging is a good way to distress", probably that's why.
too many things have been happening recently, and honestly, it's not an easy period.
with the fact that the one whom i've always been dependent on, is not around to shelter from all these issues. my brother.
i've tried handling all these with this in mind, "ignorance is bliss".
i stay out late so as to not hear the rantings.
i keep to my laptop and not talk to anyone at home (unless necessary).
i try to go to bed early.
but after a while, i realise that what i'm doing is just avoiding.
eventually, i'll still have to face up to all these issues that are going on in MY family.
i've tried taking things from a positive point of view.
i've tried learning from my classmates whom are worst of than me, to learn to be stronger.
but afterall, i've came to realise that i'm just trying to hide all these with a smile.
it's happened too many times and i'm really very sick of it.
i'm starting to not be myself.
i'm becoming really selfish and i just dont want to care about anything anymore.
not only towards family, but to others as well.
self is what i'm starting to care most about.
i just feel that i shouldnt be involve in all these.
but, i dont like who i'm becoming. not at all.
both claims that the other is trying to win me over by being nice.
but who exactly is telling the truth?
i've always been so easily influenced, that whatever people tell me, i tend to believe.
throughout this period, my mind is in a complete mess.
i dont know who is telling the truth, i dont know who is being true.
nobody's admitting that it's their fault.
all they're doing is to point fingers at each other.
i really dont wish to take sides.
they have no idea what they're putting me through.

i really wish that you're here for me, but you're not.