Had dinner with my paternal side today to celebrate my cousin's 21st... It was a happy dinner, but somehow, it feels otherwise deep inside.

My three cousins brought their girlfriends along. It was a pretty big group of people who turned up. Then came the family shot. Everyone was so happy for my cousin, so glad that he has grown up.

I sat there looking at all of their happy faces. I smiled. But deep inside, it hurt so badly...

I've never felt so alone. Looking at how happy my uncle was, my heart ached so badly... Daddy will never ever be able to celebrate my birthday for me again, he won't be here to feel proud of me when I turn 21. Not anymore...

It suddenly felt as though everyone else has everything, but I don't. Their life is so complete, but not mine...

I really wished you were by my side to help me through all this pain... I miss you:/