Hmmm... I think I'm starting to think quite a lot nowadays.

Random questions just pop out in my head, and I'll keep thinking about it.

Yesterday I was thinking to myself, why do we need a partner in our lives?

What's the purpose of getting a boyfriend / girlfriend now?

To have someone to depend on?

To have someone who'll be committed to you?

To have someone to love you?

What's the difference between a partner and a friend?

Isn't it quite selfish then, to be in a relationship for reasons like these?

Being in a relationship can bring you all the happiness in the world.

The feeling of being appreciated, loved and cared for is a feeling that everyone longs for.

But when a relationship doesnt work out, how much sadness and heartache will one have to go through?

Then again, not all relationships dont work out.

But, here comes another question.

When the day that you should part, who'd you rather be the one to leave first?

Would it be selfish to want to leave before your partner, so that you wouldnt have to go through the heartache of being left alone?

All these came to mind as I thought of Daddy and Mummy.

I really dont know what I'd do if I were in Mummy's shoes...

Would you rather be with someone whom you love or to be with someone who loves you?

If you'd choose to be with someone you love and who loves you also, how then would you know if he/she would forever remain so true to you?

"Love is always a gamble." I cant agree more.

My life now mainly revolves around school, touch rug, tuition, study. And it sucks so bad. I feel that I don't have time to do my own stuff (like blog) or even to complete my tutorials on time, neither do I have time for my friends. I miss Delta:/

Had a really bad weekend two weeks ago. My mum broke down so badly, she locked herself in her room, refusing to talk to me. I felt so lost, so helpless. I had no choice but to call my brother back from his poly camp. He used his spare key to open my mum's door. I saw my mum crying so badly. The reason being, I have no time for her and she feels so alone. I cried.

I'm so drained from school that at times when I return home, I just shower, have dinner and head straight to bed. Never did I notice my mum sitting there waiting for me to talk to her. Never did realise how much I've neglected her...

Ever since daddy left, mummy has been rather paranoid about the slightest things that happen. And I've failed to do my part to take away all her fears:/ It's time

I learnt to do so...

I'm not doing too well at school, I'm unable to cope with the amount of homework that's piling up as the days go by. With the exception of getting to see my friends, school sucks so bad...

Touch rug. The team has been performing well(: We've won every single match so far, drew one. But I didn't get to play in the last three, sprained my other ankle:/ Hopefully it recovers by wed, I really want to play in the last three before the semis...

Hmmm... There isn't really anything else to blog about; that's my life for now:|

It's been really long since I last posted, I know. Haha.

Common tests are finally overrrr!!(:

I love this song so so much(:

Somehow it relates to almost everything.

It doesnt really matter anymore, at least to me.

I've moved on, and so have you.

I dont know if you'll actually read this, but, Stay Happy(:

Today's Valentines' Day was pretty awesome(:

It was so happening in school! Made me feel as though I'm back in Crescent!!

I'll upload pictures hopefully by this weekend!!

I did something I never imagine I would have done today!!

I'm still having that *butterflies in my tummy* feeling till now:/

I dont know if it's because I'm regretting it, or I'm happy that's why.

But I just dont like this *heart goes pit bom pit bom* feeling at the thought of it.

Plus, I just saw something on facebook!! Argh.

I'm so happy + angry + excited + disappointed.

Guess I'll just wait till he fulfills his "promise" of thanking me PERSONALLY. :D

Hahahaha.

Does he know? Or does he not know? Argh, I dont know!! But I hope he does!!(: Haha.

[I'm going crazy. This is such a one sided drama:/]

I only have myself to blame, for being so weak.

Had dinner with my paternal side today to celebrate my cousin's 21st... It was a happy dinner, but somehow, it feels otherwise deep inside.

My three cousins brought their girlfriends along. It was a pretty big group of people who turned up. Then came the family shot. Everyone was so happy for my cousin, so glad that he has grown up.

I sat there looking at all of their happy faces. I smiled. But deep inside, it hurt so badly...

I've never felt so alone. Looking at how happy my uncle was, my heart ached so badly... Daddy will never ever be able to celebrate my birthday for me again, he won't be here to feel proud of me when I turn 21. Not anymore...

It suddenly felt as though everyone else has everything, but I don't. Their life is so complete, but not mine...

I really wished you were by my side to help me through all this pain... I miss you:/

Sometimes I tend to have this sudden urge to tell you to stay out of my life, that I want to have nothing to do with you ever again.

But soon after, I picture myself crying so badly, realizing how badly I'm regretting it:/

I want to tell you how much I really hate you for being so selfish, thinking that I'll be happier by asking me to get together with someone else whom you claim to be better. Fact is, you don't even know who they are. I thought you knew me best, but I guess I'm wrong.

I've been trying so hard to think the worst of you, to get you out of my mind. Why should I continue waiting for someone who doesn't even know what he wants, someone who has other priorities to even bother about you, someone who doesn't make the effort to do anything? But then again, how much does it take to love and be willing to wait for someone who's like that? A lot. That's how much you mean to me.

I've been wanting to apologize for what I said that night. I don't mean it, I really dont. (Sigh, doubt you know what I'm talking about though...) Everything that happened that night was my fault. I wish to clear it up with you so badly, but yet I don't know how. You seem fine now already, so I guess I shouldn't talk about it anymore. Just hope you'll be reading this...