i'm sorry:/

as much as i want to, i'm not supposed to.

i cannot be that annoying one anymore, to ask you to not hang up.

you've got your priorities, and i'm no longer one of them.

it's because i'm trying.

it's because i made that promise.

but, this really hurts...

tell me what to do.

Tomorrow's the last day of 2010.

I feel scared to enter the life of 2011. I really am:/

This was exactly how I felt on the last day of 2008, when we entered the Olevel phase. But, it's worst.

No doubt, Alevel is my greatest concern, but it isnt my only one...

When next year comes, everything has to stop being about you.

In fact, it should have been a long time ago.

But, I'm just not ready for it...

I just woke up from a really really bad dream:/

It got me so mad I was yelling at people in the dream.

Then came another part, totally unrelated to the first, that made me really sad.

I woke up to find most of my plushies being thrown on the floor, and I was tearing:/

It's one of the dreams I ever had that I remember so clearly, and that the emotions I felt still lingers in me even after I have awaken...

Scary much.

I stayed up and waited for you to return the call, cause you said you will.

But perhaps I shouldnt have.

Time to blog about yesterday!!

Watched Hello Stranger, finally.(: [With Lynette, Jovi and Yeeshan!!]

It was super funny!!

But it made me feel like an idiot.

One moment I was crying, the next I was laughing so hard. Had no idea what was I doing... Haha.

The ending was rather unexpected though.

Everything in the movie reminded me of you...

Had a Christmas Celebration with the Truggers in the evening!

Enjoyed it a lot!! Super fun(:

Hmmm... But I spent a lot yesterday:/

Had to cab back also, cause we missed the last train. Argh.

I need to start saving up!!

Homework time:/ Argh.

Yeeshan: I'm proud of you writing such impressive stuff at the age of 11 too!! It's rare for young kids to have a mind of their own. Well, at least I'm pretty sure I was that matured when I was P5. Haha.

Another sleepless night:/

Woke up early for tuition at 9.

First lesson.

"Next year is the time when you'll have to sacrifice not only your CCA, but also your friends AND family..."

Impression of teacher: He's gonna turn me into a mugger.

When that really happens, friends please dont think I'm weird and stay away from me:/

Homework for the week: (Tutorials + Lecture Notes Examples) X 4 CHAPTERS

Good luck to me(:

kelly needs to stop being stupid.

i can remember when it was me.

After procrastinating for an entire day, kelly finally got down to work at 11.30p.m.

At least she did something today!!(:

Turning in now, nights pals!!

After two whole days of doing nothing at home, there's finally something to look forward to tomorrow!!(:

(I mean, later.)

Everytime I finish a meal nowadays, the next thing I feel like doing is SLEEP.

Pig, I know:/

I was supposed to start work at 1, but I've not done so till now.

And I just had lunch!! Argh.

Good night...

I WILL DO WORK WHEN I WAKE UP!!

(Hopefully I'll wake up before dinner time:/)

A ferry carrying 29 passengers from Sibu Island towards Mersing Johor’s Tanjung Leman ferry terminal has capsized. Three Singaporeans have died while another two are believed to be missing after a ferry carrying 29 passengers bound for Mersing, Johor capsized on Sunday afternoon.

I really feel for the family of the Three Singaporeans:/

Life is unpredictable, cherish the ones around you...

Stayed home the entire day, doing nothing:/

Sucks to know that school is reopening in two weeks' time.

On the contrary, I'm looking forward to school.

Keeps my mind away from a lot of things...

No more late nights = No more thinking.

Finally got to know the title of one of my favourite Christmas songs!!(:

[Thanks jovi!!]

(:

WU GAGA(:

Hahahahahahahahaha.

Headed to Aunt's place in the afternoon!!

Had lunch, and... opening of presents!!

Apparently my aunt didnt put up the tree this year:/

But it's okay!!

Though it was a really small gathering, it was super fun(:(:(:

There's this really warm feeling when we all sang WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS together, as though it's a birthday celebration!!

Exchanged not only gifts, but Christmas hugs!!(:

Here are the gifts I received this year!!

#1 (Top left) A personalised mug designed (and baked) by Kim(:

#2 (Top row, centre) A candy jar made by Ken(: [he still owes me another gift though!!]

#3 (Top right) Bar soap from my Uncle(: [All the kids had different fragrance!! Super nice(:]

#4 (Bottom right) A new watch from my Mum + Two Aunts(:

#5 (Bottom left) A necklace from Aunt Audrey(:

#6 (Not shown in the picture) A nice top from Bro(:

#7 (Not shown in the picture) Bangles from Jovi(:

#8 (Not shown in the picture) Another necklace from Yaya(:

Oh, and we headed to Funan Centre to pick up a set of Guitar Heroes!! Woohoo~

Had so much fun playing it the whole evening(:(:(:

Christmas wasnt that bad afterall...

Went shopping with Jiayue and Yeeshan in the morning(:

Managed to pick up everything I wanted to get!! Yayness.

Family dinner wasnt as bad as i thought it'd be.

Probably cause this year only family members were invited, and besides, the cousins finally got a chance to talk to each other properly(:

Hmmm... It only proves my point, that girlfriends do make a change in guys.

Guys whom are attached tend to be more open and caring towards others, dont you think so?

Everything was fine, till that someone had to ask me that question:/

What made it worse was it seemed so intentional.

It affected me quite a bit, not till I met some of Delta(:

Bro dropped me off at Orchard.

The jam was super duper bad!!

We remained on the exact spot even till half an hour later!!

It was so bad that my brother alighted from the car to smoke, people started playing with their horns, other cars switched off their engines (including my brother) to save petrol. Hahahaha.

After meeting up with Sophy, Jovi and Yeeshan, we headed to Jovi's place!!

On the way, I waved to a random China family who were in another double-decked bus(:

Sophy and I were wearing reindeer hairbands!! Haha.

(Fast forward...)

Shumei came and we watched 200 pounds beauty which was showing on TV, had our mini secret santa, made MANGO PUDDING, and played CLUEDO and BRIDGE!!(:

Stayed up the whole night, tired but fun!!(:

Thank you Jovi for hosting the sleepover!!

6.51 a.m.:/

Whatever that happened was just a mere coincidence.

But somehow, it meant a lot to me, still.

I dont know why, but Christmas this year doesnt have the Christmas feel.

It doesnt feel like Christmas at all:/

There were quite a few things to look forward to last year, but not this year, not anymore.

I'm only looking forward to the sleepover at jovi's place(:

And I'm seriously dreading family dinner this year.

Things would probably be better if you were coming...

It's amazing how everything has changed, in just one year.

That walk all the way home allowed me to think through a lot.

It made me realise how you've actually made me stronger...

In fact, it should be "thank you for everything ♥" (:

As I walked, I came across this lady who was having difficulty lifting her trolley up the steps.

I went up and gave her a hand. It made me really happy(:

Just as my mind was preoccupied with all these happiness and all the thinking, I walked into a "restricted" area which was undergoing construction.

I happily walked and walked.

I saw a few banglas trying to wave to me, but I ignored.

I got scared. Thinking they were some perverts, I walked even faster.

As I continued walking, I saw one of them walking in my direction.

I got even more scared. I took out my phone and was prepared to call for help. (Seriously.)

Then he approached me and told me that I cant walk through here, cause the path is blocked at the end.

I was super embarrassed, I immediately turned back.

I looked around, and all I see were banglas, banglas and more banglas.

Not a single non-bangla soul was around!!

Conclusion: This is a construction site.

So when I finally reached the "entrance" where I entered from, one of the bangla who was waving at me earlier, opened up the barrier for me to exit.

Super embarrassing...

Your lollipop lasted me throughout my walk home!! Haha. Thanks!!(:

Finally got jolly back(:

There was this really special feeling just now...

I dont know how to explain that feeling, but it just felt really nice.

There was this strong urge to not let go when you asked me that question, this really strong urge to tell you that the feelings are still there.

But there's no turning back...

That's what a promise was made for, cause I know I'll never break a promise made to you.

A promise, is a promise.

But I'll need time...

It's ironic though...

When people promise their love ones to never let go, I made a promise to you that I'll try to...

I've learnt not to expect anything, for expectations lead to greater disappointments...

Why not just take a step back and not think about it?

If it happens, it comes to you as an unexpectable surprise.

If it doesn't, it doesn't.

But afterall, it's still easier said than done huh?

Fun!!(: Sleepy:/ Very fun!!(: Sleepy:/ Super fun!!(: Sleepy:/

I'm about to fall asleep on my stupid laptop.

It's giving me an attitude!! Argh.

I'll give you the whole night to reflect, after which you must upload the photos tomorrow okay!!

Today was a happy day(:

But now I'm feeling GRUMPY.

I'm grumpy at myself though, nothing much happened.

I'm just annoyed at myself. Annoyed for being so fickle-minded. Argh.

Sleepy + Grumpy = Srumpy = ME.

I've been lying on my bed for almost an hour, but I'm still not asleep:/

I miss talking to you over the phone:/

Do you?

♥ UNIVERSAL STUDIOS WITH DELTA TOMORROW ♥

No one's perfect, and I dont ask for anyone who is.

But there are people who makes my life perfect.

They're none other than all of you who're reading this, my friends(:

You failed to see how imperfect my life was without you. But it wouldnt be anymore. Cause I've made a new friend, who is also you.(:

Welcome home... NOT.

I've got my voice back!!

Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do~~~

I feel like a dying patient:/

Argh. This feels HORRIBLE.

Somebody just kill me.............

Why?
Why is it that you're different?

I dont know why I'm awake now:/

Did I even sleep?

This is really hard, I want to give up trying...

But, I can't:/

Is it me, or are things really different from what they used to be?:/

needs to stop thinking so much.

i'm hoping that my throat recovers before monday comes!!:/

Couldnt sleep the entire night:/

My throat is hurting so so badly, it's hard to even speak.

Hoping. Wishing. Waiting. But nope, it wouldn't happen.

Kinda wasted my entire day at home, didnt touch a single piece of homework:/

Hmmm... But today, I finally went to look through the courses in the various local Unis.

So, the course that I've been interested in so far doesnt seem that bad afterall.

I used to think that psychologists cant really do much, but i guess i'm wrong!

"In Singapore, and overseas, opportunities for graduates in psychology are increasing. The Ministry of Defence, Ministry of Education, Ministry of Health, and the Police are among the Singaporean government agencies interested in hiring psychology graduates. In the private sector opportunities range more widely."

But...

"Salary will be competitive and will commensurate with qualifications and experience."

Psychology seems like a rather popular course nowadays...

Competition is increasing!!:/:/:/

I want to watch this movie!!

"let's flip a coin. heads, you're mine. tails, i'm yours." ♥

Spamming friends on FB just now was kinda fun(:

But at the end of it, I realized I was just trying to kill time...

I should totally be in bed now, but I just can't get to sleep:/

i need to do more things that will make me happy(:

i remember what you wore on the first day...

being angry or irritated doesnt help solve anything.

my brother never fails to have a way to solve all these problems...

kor, sorry for being so useless, there's nothing i do that's ever right..

my head hurts...

currently, temp = 39.0 degrees.

i'm hoping that i'll fall really sick that i'll end up in the hospital, so i dont have to face all this shit going on at home.

you dont f***ing care how unwell i was.

all you do is to keep pushing me.

what's the point of you shouting at me, seriously.

as much as i dont want to be involved, do i look like i've a choice?

i'll never forget what you said, "i dont care if you hate me... dont try to be smart here, you better stay out of this."

it was a simple request made, but you'd rather not agree to it and make me hate you.

as much as i dont want to hate anyone, last night i finally saw the importance of me to you as your daughter.

it doesnt matter anymore. nothing does.

i feel ashamed to address you as my dad.

my brother took leave from camp the moment he realised that something was wrong.

i didnt want to tell him anything, but he called and he could tell.

for that, he has to book out a day later than his other platoonmates.

there's nothing i can do that's ever right.

i promised him to stay strong, but in the end, i'm still causing more problems.

when will i ever stop being so useless.

i honestly didnt know who to turn to last night, but you were there.

it meant a lot, thanks joe...

feeling very sick:/:/:/

here's a not so gloomy post(:

(i'm apparently killing time cause i'm waiting for chen ting a.k.a latecomer to text me to leave house! haha.)

Alyssa Bernal (: [she and Vanessa Hudgens look super alike!!]

i've been watching her covers and originals on youtube since i forgot when.

probably in sec 2 or 3?

right now, she has come really really far...

"Alyssa was your everyday American teenager, busy with classes and cheerleading practice, when her heartfelt, acoustic YouTube clips caught the eye of superstar producer Pharrell Williams. Fast-forward a year later, and her debut album from Star Trak Entertainment is about to bring a much-needed breath of fresh air to the pop landscape."

i personally like this a lot(:

hmmm... i guess everyone has their own talents and are special in their own way.

i'm sure someone will recognise and appreciate every individual someday...

be it a family member, a friend, a stranger, or even yourself(:

sorry.

i am trying my very best, but no, it remains.

after a really awesome lunch and time spent yesterday...

it's time for you to book in:/

your boots have been polished,

your letter has been written,

just missing on a really big hug and you'll be off for camp...

i dont know why, but i'm feeling exceptionally sad that you're booking in this time...

i'll miss you bro....

[my eyes look really horrible in this photo, i look like a freak:/]

i cant believe i'm resorting to youtube videos.

if whatever that was mentioned is true, i guess i know why i'm not over you...

"kelly's happiness is my utmost concern. i dont want to see her being stressed up. that's all."

dearest kor, you've no idea how thankful i am for having you around.

it's always times like these when you'll always shelter me from troubles, always making sure that i'm safe, unhurt.

you speak up for me, when i've got no courage to say a word.

you give me a hug, and assure me that everything will be fine.

you teach me what to do when i'm feeling lost.

after tonight, i've came to realise that i'm not afraid of anything else, other than not being able to live with you.

i was afraid, when you told me that i cannot choose to follow you.

i was afraid, when you said you might choose to live with neither of them.

i am afraid, to have to face everything alone.

but, i'll stay strong, like what i've promised you. and, i love you too...

i was a total idiot last night. stupidiest thing i've ever done.

i'm weak, it's true.

FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML.

what is wrong with me?
i am not fine at all, not at all...
i wish i could tell you, but no, i cant.

i havent been more sure than this; you've moved on.

it used to be the sweetest "dream" i woke up from.

i feel like an idiot.

i thought i was strong enough, but i guess i'm wrong.

It's time to take a look at the brighter side.

I've always tried to be the stronger one, to be there whenever people around me needed someone to be there.
No matter how close that person is, or how much I could actually help, I'd just like to be there for him/her.
Looking back this entire year, I havent been successful in whom I was trying to be.
Honestly, 2010 wasnt a good year.
Everything's going downhill, nothing really went right.
But after all these, it made me realise that things may not be as bad as what we think they are.
Instead of me being depressed and upset over whatever that had happened, and hoping someone would come along to cheer me up, telling me that everything would be fine, why didnt I just be that someone myself, to have the courage to pick myself up?
Perhaps it's all these moments where you feel helpless, that makes you a stronger person.
It's only when you've experienced the worst, then will you be able to face the hard times in time to come, isnt it?
I want to stop feeling all upset about my own life.
"You've your own problems to face." --> This shall not be the reason why I'm not gonna be there for anyone.
Making people happy, makes me happy.
(:

Cannot. Should not. Must not. Will not.